Steel Nipples

One thing that I have discovered about myself...I am not the breastfeeding type. I feel a little guilty saying that as I have polled many people about how long they breast fed and on average it was between 6 months and a year. I made it 3 weeks. I just don't enjoy it and frankly it stresses me out. Harper is actually good at it and I think that I was supplying her somewhat sufficiently but it TAKES SO DARN LONG! I met a Mom at the park who had her 2 week old with her and I dived right in with "So, how long does it take him to breastfeed?". She hesitated before she said "oh, about 12 minutes"! 12 minutes!! Well, I could do it too if that's all it took but literally my minimum was 30 minutes - my MINIMUM! So that made me think that maybe my supply really wasn't all there or else Harper did not inherit my olympic record winning genes of How Fast Can You Finish A Meal (5 minutes flat, 4 if I'm eating alone and don't have anything to read). I realized I wasn't enjoying our time late one night (early one morning, whichever you prefer), when we were in the middle of said breastfeeding and it dawned on me that I was hunched over and tense. This is supposed to be natural and relaxed and we are supposed to be bonding over this experience, right? Well, we weren't bonding and I wasn't relaxed. I was worried about 2 things - how long it was taking and if my nipple was actually going to fall off at some point during this "experience". So, I decided to trust my instincts, swallow my guilt (even though I have ZERO opinion that one way is better than the other - even my pediatrican says if they gain weight, it doesn't matter how) and stop the madness. So even though it was much easier to have ready made milk and my diaper bag was much lighter, I have decided to pump as much as I am able and supplement with formula what I am not. Yes, this means I have to pump, wash bottles and carry formula, but this actually makes me less stressed and I am much happier. I even feel like we bond a bit more now over a full bottle of warmed formula/milk. We can look in each others eyes, she holds my finger (Gavin used to do the same thing) and I get to enjoy her drunken full smile when she is finished. It makes me smile every time. I know that eventually I will stop producing and she will be strictly on formula, but that doesn't bother me either (ok, except for the price of formula - holy cow, is there liquid gold in that stuff or what?) - I was a formula fed baby and look how great I turned out (wink, wink). So I'll give a shout out to all the breastfeeding Mom's and their nipples of steel - I'm impressed!


Things are going pretty well for us. Harper sleeps fairly well and I usually can get 2-3 hour stretches at night and sometimes 4 hours! The other night she only ate once in the middle of the night, so when she was up at 5:45 ready to eat, I felt like I had actually slept. Gavin does quite well with her as well (which suprised me I have to say). He starts out kind, but I am always waiting for this guy when he gets a little too lovey! But overall, he does a good job of being big brother. When it's just the 3 of us, we get along fabulously - Gavin actually behaves better than when I have help, go figure! I actually had a Harper and me day yesterday when Gavin went with Nana and Papa to their campsite for the day and I had big plans to get groceries. Harper for some reason had a tough day and cried the instant I put her in the car seat and I thought she would calm down during the drive, but it only got worse, so I had to turn around and go back home. Needless to say, I got nothing accomplished. Frustrating but was just thankful that I didn't have Gavin hanging around that day because he would not have understood why Harper was fussy and I had to pay attention to her. You forget how hard this early stage is as you are trying to figure out their cues and what to do and how much your back hurts from holding, bending, feeding, carrying, etc. I also realized how long these days are. With Gavin I had a purpose each day - get up, get ready and go to the NICU, come home, nap, eat and head back to the NICU. It was exhausting but it was also busy - kind of like a job. Now I get up and the day stretches before me and sometimes it seems like forever before Jon gets home at night. And even though the days are long, nothing gets accomplished of course. Plus it doesn't help that it is near 100 degrees each day so the 3 of us can usually hang out outside for about 1/2 hour before we are melting and have to come back inside. I have accepted the fact that this will probably be a TV and PB&J summer - meaning I will have to rely on TV and PB&J to keep Gavin occupied and fed sometimes when I can't do anything else. And sadly, I'm thinking I may buy the Costco size box of Uncrustables so that I don't actually have to MAKE the PB&J. Gavin will be thrilled so I guess we'll all be happy!

Not too much to report here as we really don't get very far each day. I was able to get all 3 of us out of the house to make it to Chick-fil-A before Gavin's class at My Gym, so that was a major accomplishment! Once I get some semblance of a schedule with Harper, I know we will be more mobile, but for now we stick pretty close to home. We are heading to Wisconsin for Garrett's first birthday and I just booked a flight for Gavin, Harper and me to Michigan when Jon heads to Texas for his last week of training in July. Keep your fingers crossed that it all goes well, but it will be nice to visit for a week while Jon is gone and I have this time off. My time off is tick, tick, ticking away that's for sure - can you believe Harper is a month old already?

Gavin and Harper - his favorite greeting for her?? "Hi Sweeettieee" in a sugary sweet sing song voice!



My friend Carrie had us over for lunch and I figured since I had actually showered and put on makeup, I'd have Jon snap a picture of us. Harper's a bit slumped, though.




Gavin and the kids had a blast running through the sprinkler!



I couldn't resist taking a picture of these two cutie-patooties! That's Sylvia on the left and Ava on the right and they are about 6 months apart and couldn't be any cuter bathing beauties!

Bath time for Harper - she somewhat likes it but we make the bathtime quick so she doesn't have time to fuss too much.

One of the fashionable outfits from Aunt Jennifer!

Bright eyed and bushy tailed - she is quite alert when she's awake and looks around alot to check out her surroundings.

Gavin climbing at one of the parks we visited when Grandma and Grandpa were here.

The best I could get of all 4 of them on Grandpa and Grandma's last day of their 2 week visit.

This picture cheats a little because the shirt decal says 0 months, but she's actually 2 weeks old here.

Well that's all she wrote for now. Hope to post more pictures sooner than later, but only as time permits of course! Hope you all are having a fantastic summer!